I recently asked a friend of mine... "Why and or how do people fall in LOVE?" She stated that she wasn't quite sure, "But you sure know it when you feel it."
She says she will get back to me after a thoughtful walk tonight... I share her thoughts in my next writing session.
I think people fall in love for a lot of reasons, and the older I get, the more I realize that love is rarely just one thing.
Sometimes it starts with attraction. Sometimes it starts with a conversation. Sometimes it begins because somebody sees something in you that other people have overlooked. And sometimes, without really planning it, you meet somebody who simply makes you feel alive again.
I have always been a romantic person. I care deeply about people. As a pastor, counselor, teacher, and someone who has spent much of my life encouraging others, I have watched people fall in love, fall out of love, fight for love, lose love, and sometimes find love again when they were not expecting it.
What I have learned is that falling in love is not simply about somebody being attractive. Attraction may get your attention, but it takes something deeper to reach your heart.
You start noticing how somebody makes you feel when you are around them. You enjoy talking to them. You find yourself wanting to hear their voice. You think about something they said long after the conversation is over. You start caring about their day, their happiness, their fears, their dreams, and the things that matter to them.
And somewhere along the way, that person begins to matter to you.
There is chemistry involved, of course. God created us with emotions, physical attraction, hormones, and the ability to bond with another human being. There is nothing strange about feeling excitement when you see somebody you care about, or smiling when their name comes across your phone.
But I believe love goes much deeper than chemistry.
Sometimes we fall in love because somebody makes us feel understood. They listen to us differently. They see behind the position, the title, the responsibilities, and all the roles we carry.
They don’t just see the pastor.
They don’t just see the counselor.
They don’t just see the leader.
They see the man.
And there is something incredibly powerful about being seen that way.
When you spend years taking care of everybody else, encouraging everybody else, solving problems, teaching, leading, and carrying responsibility, it can touch your heart deeply when somebody comes along and genuinely asks, “But how are you doing?”
That kind of connection can become very meaningful.
I also think people fall in love because they discover a place where they can be themselves. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to impress. You can laugh, talk, dream, be silly, be serious, and simply enjoy being together.
You begin to realize, “I like who I am when I am with this person.”
That is powerful.
Timing also matters more than most people realize.
You can meet a wonderful person at one season of your life and nothing happens. Then life changes. You change. Your heart changes/ Your circumstances change. Suddenly you meet somebody at exactly the moment when you are capable of seeing something you might not have seen before.
That doesn’t automatically mean every feeling should be acted upon. Especially when lives, marriages, families, and commitments are involved, wisdom still matters. Feelings can be real while decisions still require patience, honesty, prayer, and integrity.
That is something I understand personally right now.
I am married, but separated, and I am preparing to file divorce papers this month. That is not something I say casually. A marriage represents years of life, memories, promises, disappointment, happiness, pain, lessons, and history.
So meeting someone new while walking through the ending of another chapter can create emotions that are both beautiful and complicated.
You can feel hope and grief at the same time.
You can be excited about what might be ahead while still respecting what has been behind you.
You can care deeply about somebody new without pretending that the transition you are going through is insignificant.
That is why I believe mature love requires more than emotion.
Falling in love may happen naturally. Loving somebody well requires character.
It takes patience.
It takes honesty.
It takes respect.
It takes communication.
It takes the willingness to protect somebody’s heart instead of simply satisfying your own feelings.
And as a Christian, I cannot separate my understanding of love from what Scripture teaches.
First Corinthians 13 tells us that love is patient and kind. Love is not selfish. It does not simply ask, “What do I want?” Real love also asks, “What is best for the person I care about?”
That is where romance and maturity have to meet.
I am still a romantic. I still believe in holding hands, long conversations, little surprises, affection, laughter, sitting across the table looking into somebody’s eyes, and making someone feel special simply because they matter to you.
I believe love should have some butterflies in it.
I believe you ought to miss somebody sometimes.
I believe there is something wonderful about getting a message from one particular person and immediately smiling.
But I also believe the deepest love is when romance grows into friendship, trust, loyalty, emotional safety, and commitment.
Maybe that is why people fall in love.
We meet somebody who awakens something inside us.
They make us feel seen.
They make us feel wanted.
They remind us that we still have something to give.
They make us imagine tomorrow differently.
And sometimes, after disappointment, loneliness, separation, or simply a long season of carrying everybody else’s burdens, somebody comes into your life and reminds you that your own heart is still capable of feeling something beautiful.
At that point, the question is no longer simply, “Why do people fall in love?”
The deeper question becomes:
“Why did this particular person reach a place in my heart that nobody else was reaching?”
And sometimes the answer is simply that two people met at a particular moment in their lives, saw something meaningful in one another, opened their hearts little by little, and discovered that something real was beginning to grow.
Whatever happens from there, I believe love deserves to be handled carefully.
Because when somebody gives you access to their heart, that is not something to play with.
That is something to treasure!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment