5 Signs of Emotional Abuse

I counsel a lot of men and women in ministry. Pastors, teachers, Bishops,  Apostles, police officers, as well as those who don't hold high offices of authority. No matter what your station if life anyone is susceptible to emotional abuse. 

While my own relationships have been less than perfect, nonetheless there seems to be a gift that I have for helping others through the often most difficult times in their lives. In this post I define emotional abuse, give an easy to understand explanation, and show you 5 signs to help you identify whether or not you're in an emotionally abuse relationship... If you are... then get out today!  

Call immediately Help is available so that you can live and not die: National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Many times there is emotional abuse.

Psychological abuse, often known as emotional abuse or mental abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another person to a behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, clinical depression or post-traumatic stress disorder amongst other psychological problems.

To give you a better understanding this may help

 Alright, imagine you have a favorite toy. You love this toy, and it makes you happy. But one day, someone starts saying mean things about your toy. They tell you it's ugly, that you're silly for liking it, and that nobody else would ever want it. At first, you might not believe them, but they keep saying it over and over again.

Then, they start taking your toy away, hiding it, or even breaking it just to make you upset. Every time you cry or get sad, they tell you that you’re overreacting, that it’s your fault, or that you’re too sensitive.

Now, imagine this isn’t about a toy but about you—your feelings, your thoughts, and even your sense of what is real. If someone keeps putting you down, making you doubt yourself, scaring you, or making you feel worthless, that is called psychological abuse. It’s when someone hurts your mind and feelings instead of your body.

This kind of hurt can make a person feel scared, sad all the time, or like they don’t know what’s true anymore. It can make them feel like they’re not good enough or that they always do something wrong, even when they don’t. Over time, this can lead to serious problems like always feeling anxious (worried), always feeling sad (depression), or feeling afraid even when nothing scary is happening (like in post-traumatic stress disorder, which is when bad memories and fear stay with a person long after something bad happens).

Just because someone doesn’t hit you doesn’t mean they can’t hurt you. Words, actions, and even ignoring someone on purpose can all be ways of hurting their heart and mind. Psychological abuse is real, and no one deserves to go through it.

1. They are Hyper-Critical or Judgmental Towards You
• It is human nature to critique or judge, but in emotionally abusive situations, someone takes it to the next level. This can look like someone is:
• Putting you down in front of others
• Humiliating or embarrassing you
• Using sarcasm or “teasing” or “jokes” to make you feel badly about yourself
• Having an opinion about a lot of what you say, do, or think
• Upset if/when you don’t agree (e.g., how you dress, how you spend your money, who you spend time with, what you are interested in)
2. They Ignore Boundaries or Invade Your Privacy
• We all have the right to our own space. Sometimes it can be tricky to distinguish between the rush and thrill of any new relationship or connection and a violation of your space because you may feel that you want to spend all of your time with this awesome person. This can look like your partner:
• Wants to move a relationship faster than you are comfortable with either emotionally or physically (e.g. saying “I love you” very quickly and pressuring you to do the same, pushing you to engage in sexual activities, pushing you to move in together)
• Checks your texts messages, email or social media accounts without your permission
3. They are Possessive and/or Controlling
• The abuser may try to restrict your behavior through unreasonable jealousy such as:
• Monitoring your actions
• Constantly calling or texting when you are not around
• Getting upset when you want to spend time by yourself or with family or friends alone
• Isolating you from other people in your life and/or activities you enjoy or work
• Demanding access to your phone, email, or social media accounts
4. They are Manipulative
• An emotionally abusive person may try many things to get you to do what they want or feel badly, such as:
• Withdrawing affection when you’ve done something “wrong”
• Ignoring or excluding you
• Guilt trips
• Making you doubt yourself
• Denying something you know is true
5. They Often Dismiss You and Your Feelings
• The abuser might try to play down your emotions or feelings by:
• Saying you are too sensitive or calling you crazy
• Making fun of your achievements or hopes and dreams
• Refusing to talk about or take responsibility for their actions
• Blaming you or someone else for their actions (it’s never their fault)
• Being indifferent to your feelings